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- something recent -
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Sunday, July 12, 2009
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Perhaps it was the fact that I was not looking that made it a very good thing.
I was feeling better, waking up earlier, having more energy and being content with my life. It had been a long time since I took a breath and felt satisfied with the air around me. That feeling was what I missed most. And it was back
I was independent again. I was no longer trapped in the vice that was myself.
As far as love was concerned I understood it, I felt it. It was different every time...different with every person. I hadn't found the profound love that lasted forever. I wanted to, but it was happening yet, and I needed to focus on myself.
So here I was on a plane by myself flying to some the best friends I knew. It was their senior year of college, not mine unfortunately. But I was content. I was branching out, trying things out of my norm. When I arrived there were 2 guests I knew little about in our group. 2 male guests. One was...well to put this nicely not one I would ever be attracted to, but still a blast to be around. The other was more quiet, equally fun, but he was much more like me...content with his surroundings and enjoyed where he was at that time. It was these attributes that attracted me to him most. At first my fondness for him was a friendly one. He would stay up late with me, watching ridiculous faux reality shows, making fun, enjoying my company as much as I enjoyed his.
He and I had a mutual close friend. Kristina. Kristina was very likeable, the most outgoing person I have ever known. She was also a little meddler...in a harmless way. She told me all about his past relationship that he had just been released from. Sounded very reminiscent of the one I ended just 10 months prior. She wanted me to help....revive him again....show him, as she put it..."what it was like to be around a cool girl." I was flattered. She was very observant and she saw me how I always wanted to be seen...and she spoke the truth...which made me love her even more.
The more time he and I spent together the more I realized my fondness was growing. I did not expect to have feelings for him...nor was a really suppose to develop them. At first I thought he was trouble...until it became evident that he felt the same. Was it too soon? He had only been alone for six weeks by now...for the first time in three years. I started to love every minute with him. I had found someone who just enjoyed relaxing, enjoyed the small things, someone who taught me something new every day. I loved that we could take walks, enjoying the surroundings without filling every silence we encountered. He was...easy to be around...no muss, no fuss. We talked every day, we laid on couches and just looked at each other smiling, jesting, caressing. He was so passionate, and gentle and it was so evident he cared. Then graduation came and he left for the summer, only to return in the fall. I missed him every day...I didn't love him yet...but the possibility was there for the future, and I liked that.
All of the guys that had shown interest in the last year were so...unoriginal. Sure, they were great....i'm sure I would have been satisfied....but they just didn't have that...zsa zsa zsu. The spark. The umph...the thing. They weren't enough to hold my interest for a long time. That was my problem of late. But I stopped looking for someone, and here he was on a silver platter...so unexpected and so...right.
Although the future is uncertain I am fairly confident I have found someone to stand still with me. The person who looks at me with those electric blue eyes and gives me a jolt. The person who understands me. It may not be forever, It may not now be love...but it is something I am willing to find out.
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